What if You Are Stuck, and Why is Change So Difficult?
It is easy to float along the stream of passing time; it's even easier to get swept away by the relentless current of modern life. Days blur into weeks, and before we know it, years pass us by without living with intention.
When we recognize this, a wave of regret often follows, accompanied by excuses. This happens most often at the beginning of a new year. Suddenly, we are faced with a clean slate that needs to be filled. We blame societal norms, the pressure to conform, or the endless hustle of urban life for our non-compliance. But what if we chose a different path instead of excuses—a path of purpose, connection, and deliberate change?
Over the years, my household has gone through many transformations. There was a time when I had 9 children under 12, and our challenges were numerous. During this time, I learned the hard way that no matter how complicated or busy your life might be, you are still responsible for yourself. Today, we are a mixed bunch, including a toddler, school kids, students, and working young adults. My husband and I have become the "old people"! There is never an excuse to neglect your peace of mind or your serenity, and there is no better time to start than right now.
I learned that there are many things that I can do with my children that are also good for my mental health:
- Working in the garden and tending to my potted herbs at dawn or sunset is much more pleasant than being out there during the heat of the day.
- Keeping recipes simple makes it possible to involve the children in the kitchen.
- Sitting down with a book (not a phone) and inviting family members to join you creates an atmosphere of kind quiet.
- Arranging a family or friend outing to a farmers market to buy the week's fresh produce teaches everyone about the process of creating delicious meals from whole produce. This has educational, emotional, and nutritional benefits.
- Spending time around a table with friends, family, and acquaintances is a beautiful way of expressing hospitality, and it eases the stress of being alone or feeling isolated.
- Caring for your dogs, cats, chickens, ducks, and bees is an activity that calms your nerves and balances your hormones.
Slowsteading, a lifestyle rooted in simplicity, mindfulness, and sustainability, offers an antidote to the chaos of modern living. But how can we bring its principles into an urban lifestyle? The key lies in understanding why change is hard and overcoming these barriers with practical, gradual steps.
Why Is Lifestyle Change So Hard?
Before diving into actionable strategies, it's essential to acknowledge why initiating and sustaining lifestyle changes can be difficult. Research highlights several psychological and environmental factors that contribute to this challenge.
1. Difficulty Starting: Breaking Through Inertia
- The Comfort Zone Effect: Humans are creatures of habit. Psychologists have found that stepping outside our comfort zone triggers anxiety because we're hardwired to prefer stability. Starting something new disrupts our equilibrium.
- Decision Fatigue: Modern life bombards us with choices daily. By the time we consider lifestyle changes, we're mentally exhausted, making it easier to delay action.
- The Instant Gratification Trap: We often prioritize immediate rewards over long-term benefits, a phenomenon rooted in behavioral psychology. Slowsteading, emphasizing gradual progress, can feel at odds with our fast-paced culture.
2. Giving Up Halfway: The Challenge of Sustained Effort
- The Plateau Effect: Many people lose motivation when they hit the "plateau phase" of change when initial excitement fades, and progress feels slower or less noticeable.
- All-or-nothing Thinking: Perfectionism is a common obstacle. If we can't do something perfectly, we might abandon it altogether. This mindset undermines the incremental progress that slowsteading encourages.
- Lack of Social Reinforcement: Behavioral studies show that changes are easier to maintain when supported by community or external validation. Without these, motivation often wanes.
- Fear of Failure: The prospect of failing halfway can lead to self-sabotage, where we give up before even testing our limits.
Steps Toward Sustainable Change: Urban Slowsteading Edition
Understanding these challenges allows us to address them proactively. Here’s how to initiate and sustain change while weaving slowsteading principles into your urban lifestyle.
1. Start Where You Are
- Insight: Research shows that starting small reduces anxiety and builds momentum. Tiny successes boost confidence and create a positive feedback loop.
- Action: Begin with one meaningful habit, like growing a herb on your windowsill. This small win introduces you to the slowsteading lifestyle and reinforces your ability to create change. Slowly build your skillset and keep trying out new things.
2. Reframe Progress
- Insight: Behavioral scientists suggest focusing on the process rather than the outcome. Shifting from "I have to achieve this goal" to "I'm enjoying this journey" keeps you motivated.
- Action: Track your journey in a journal. Instead of measuring success solely by results, celebrate small, process-based victories, like spending five minutes daily caring for plants or preparing one meal from scratch. Mindset change is challenging to quantify, so telling people about what you are doing and celebrating your new habits is a great way to affirm the change taking place.
3. Combat Decision Fatigue
- Insight: Dr. Wendy Wood's research on habits highlights the power of automating behaviors. When habits become part of a routine, they require less mental energy.
- Action: Choose a specific time for your new habits. For example, dedicate Saturday mornings to visiting a farmer's market or preparing weekly meals. Preserving a small bottle of leftover vegetables or drying herbs from meal prep are authentic slowsteading activities that take minimal time and leave you with a great sense of accomplishment.
4. Build Resilience for the Plateau Phase
- Insight: Studies on habit formation show that progress often slows before it becomes second nature. Resilience during this phase is key.
- Action: When you feel stuck, revisit your "why." Create a vision board or write a letter to your future self about why slowsteading matters to you. Keep listing the wins, whether it's the batch of cookies your neighbor enjoyed, the marigolds on your windowsill, or the inspiring book you read last week.
5. Seek Community Support
- Insight: Research from the American Psychological Association emphasizes the role of social support in sustaining change. Knowing you're not alone makes the journey easier.
- Action: Connect with others who share your values. Join local gardening or sustainability groups or find online communities of like-minded individuals. Sharing your progress and challenges can provide motivation and accountability.
6. Embrace Imperfection
- Insight: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) identifies all-or-nothing thinking as a barrier to progress. Recognizing that imperfection is part of the process can help you stay the course.
- Action: When you make a mistake or miss a day, remind yourself that it’s okay. Every day is a new opportunity to recommit to your journey. A failed crop or a botched craft project is a chance to learn how to do it better next time.
Conclusion: Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities
Change isn’t easy, but by understanding the psychological and practical barriers we face, we can navigate them with intention and grace. Slowsteading in an urban setting doesn’t require perfection or dramatic leaps—it’s about small, sustainable steps that align with your values.
So, take a deep breath, let go of the excuses, and start where you are. Plant that herb, cook that meal, and cherish the moments of mindful connection you create. You’re not just floating along the stream of time anymore—you’re steering your way to a life of intention, purpose, and joy.
What small step will you take today?