The Meaning of Friendship in Slowsteading

When you try slowsteading, chances are you are interested in gardening, whole food cooking, or even preserving. Your enthusiasm might have been ignited by an inspiring post or article. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and you want to try something new.

Since you live in an urban environment, things are already busy, noisy, and demanding. When your first attempt at windowsill herbs fails or the first meal you try to cook from scratch is barely edible, it is so easy to believe that you are not destined for this lifestyle. I want to encourage you that there is hope. When making or attempting a change in your life, the best place to start is to be clear on what you want to achieve. The next step can be to talk to a friend or two who are interested in similar activities.

We agree that none of us need more work, pressure, expenses, or clutter. We want peace and joy and a place to intentionally exhale, relax, and find meaning without packing up the family and moving to the country to embrace new troubles.

We cannot work our way into rest, peace, or calm. Those are internal attributes that have an impact on our decisions and actions. When you and I, as individuals, conclude that something has got to give, and we make a choice to change, that decision is based on an internal longing to improve our lives by reassessing what is important and what is unnecessary external noise.

Urban slowsteading proposes that these changes can be facilitated by redirecting your small choices toward intentional, meaningful, educational, enjoyable, and seasonal actions. What these initial actions might be depends mainly on the individuals’ interests and circumstances.

Starting the Slowsteading Journey

When I started, I did not even consider gardening; my children were small, and I had no interest or experience in gardening. My mother-in-law’s cooking and preserving skills enticed me to try a batch of apricot jam. I experimented with a few easy pickling recipes, and my arts and crafts skills developed into creating enough items to start a small market at my house.

My initial slowsteading activities revolved around what I could do while raising half a dozen preschoolers. The more I got involved in homemaking and home baking, the more I engaged with like-minded people. Other women needing connection joined my market, and our monthly get-togethers became the highlight of our month. Each friend brought something else to the market, and we encouraged and inspired one another on many levels.

As our children grew, the challenges of time and family needs brought that specific market to an end, but the friendships have endured, and those people are still part of my slowsteading journey in new and different ways.

I read a lot about other people’s journeys at different stages of homesteading and slow living and find great inspiration in what they do and achieve. This informs my slowsteading journey, but I always mainly consider what would be an attainable yet exciting challenge for me.

Finding Connection Through Slowsteading

As I have mentioned, gardening and keeping livestock, such as chickens and ducks, came much later. My slowing down started in the kitchen and with my intentional choices concerning what activities my family and I get involved in.

Saying no to activities does not mean saying no to friendships. Intentional friendships with like-minded people are one of the most energizing elements of slowsteading.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re on this journey alone—wondering if you’re the only one trying to make sourdough work in a tiny apartment kitchen or figuring out how to grow basil without it turning into a sad, leggy mess—you’re not. And you don’t have to do it alone.

The beauty of slowsteading isn’t just in the skills you develop, the meals you make from scratch, or the herbs you manage to keep alive. It’s in the people who share that journey with you.

There’s a reason some of the longest-living people in the world don’t just credit their diet or exercise but also their friendships. Strong social connections are at the heart of their lifestyle in places like Okinawa, Sardinia, and Nicoya—where people routinely live well into their 90s and beyond.

They don’t just get together for special occasions; they build daily habits around community. And while you may not be in a quaint coastal village or a tight-knit farming town, you can create those meaningful connections right where you are, even if some are online.

Why Friendships Matter in Slowsteading

A slowsteading lifestyle naturally brings people together. Whether swapping homegrown herbs with a neighbor, trading sourdough tips with a coworker, or sharing a kitchen disaster story that turns into laughter over coffee, friendships form when we engage in things that matter to us.

If you’ve ever been to a farmer’s market and struck up a conversation with a vendor about the best way to store fresh peaches, you know how effortless these connections can be.

And these friendships aren’t just nice to have—they’re essential. They make slowsteading sustainable. They keep you going when your first batch of jam turns into syrup or your homemade candles look more like misshapen blobs. When you have people to share your small victories and laugh with you through the mishaps, you’re far less likely to give up.

The Confidence That Comes from Connection

Think about the last time you tried something new. Maybe it was fermenting vegetables, knitting, or growing tomatoes in a tiny city backyard. If you were doing it completely alone, every setback probably felt bigger. Every minor failure might have been proof that you weren’t cut out for this.

Now, imagine if a friend was laughing with you when your first attempt at homemade soap turned into a weird, oily mess. Imagine them saying, "Oh, that happened to me too! Try this next time." Suddenly, failure no longer feels like failure—it’s just part of the process.

Being around people walking a similar path builds confidence in a way that nothing else can. You start to trust yourself more. You stop expecting perfection and start enjoying the journey.

Instead of thinking, "I’ll never get the hang of this," you think, "I wonder what I’ll learn next."

Finding Joy in the Small Things

One of the best things about slowsteading is learning to savor the little things—but let’s be honest, those small joys feel even sweeter when they’re shared.

For example, when you finally get your first successful loaf of bread, you text it to a friend who cares about the crumb structure instead of just snapping a picture for yourself.

Or when you’re sitting outside with a cup of home-blended herbal tea, chatting with someone who also gets ridiculously excited about seasonal produce.

Or when you swap homemade goods with a neighbor and realize that this simple human connection makes life rich.

The friendships you build on this journey won’t just make slowsteading more fun. They’ll make it sustainable. No matter how much we love the idea of self-sufficiency, the truth is that we were never meant to do everything alone.

Conclusion

So, don’t give up if you’re feeling like the odd one out in your current circles. Find your people. Maybe they’re at a local gardening workshop, in an online group, or right next door, waiting for someone like you to start the conversation.

Slowsteading isn’t about isolating yourself—it’s about building a life you love, surrounded by people who make it even better.

And trust me, when you find those people? Everything feels a little easier.